March 16, 2010

It's been a very long and trying month. Sebastian attended both of his autism testing appointments and we return on April 2, 2010 for results of the testing and the next steps from here.


NICKOLAS:

Nickolas has been struggling lately to control his emotions. He is often easily angered and snaps before thinking. For example, he finds out his friend is not home or not answering the phone. He will offer to help with getting/making me coffee and then afterwords asks to get on the computer, only to be told 'not right now.'

I asked him what was wrong because I seen, clearly he was upset. He opts against anything being "wrong" but after asking him two or three times he admits he is upset because he can't get on the computer. He cannot be 'bored' well dear... I don't mind him stimulating himself by gaming some or playing on the computer, that is fine, but. I don't want him to be addicted or get so lost in the reality that he has no life outside of the computer and gaming.

I try to get him interested in books and playing by himself or trying to play and interact with his little brother. He is a smart kid and he loves to learn, but I am afraid of that taking the wrong path as far as the internet goes. He also has to learn that not all of the time can we be stimulated, sometimes we have to find things to occupy ourselves and learn/grow.

It's hard to watch him getting upset. I know the pattern, I know he gets angry and cries/screams in his room, but then he comes downstairs and requests a hug. Crying for another reason, he is upset how quickly his mood shifts and he cannot control it. Making him feel bad and he feels silly. It's hard to watch that in your child and feel nearly helpless. I am used to the pattern, I can spot it from a mile away, but... Knowing how much it hurts him to not be able to control it is a hard factor.

I fear this mostly at school... I can handle it. But, the emotions all trickling out at once in a social environment...

***I don't want Nick to end up like I am, isolated from people. I was isolated for a long time as a child. I didn't have many friends at school, I kept to myself. My friends I had were neighborhood friends of different ages, which did me little while at school. Mostly until Middle School, then Middle School I was the wild child and so on. I got into my fair share of trouble, that's for sure. I was locked up for 3 years from the ages of 11 to 15.

Isolated, then busting out and getting in all of that trouble, I had a hard childhood. I got pregnant at 16, with Nickolas. He changed my life and I chose the better path, but again was isolated... I battled panic disorder for many years by myself and did not try to address it. Since 17, I have been dealing with it. In the past 2 years, I have been trying to get better without medication, without therapy.

I fear he could be heading down that road...


SEBASTIAN:

Sebastian has been doing rather well. His appointments went grand. However, now he LOVES Stacy, the Specialist. Some of the things she asked were just insane. Not insane that it wasn't anything near what Sebastian does, but the fact that he DOES do these things. Down to him acting like an animal, a cat to be exact. I am just so super excited with the fact that this is now behind us and we are moving on.

Bassy has done pretty well lately, last night he had a meltdown. No batteries for the Wii remote, we couldn't find Max and Ruby: Playtime (at the time) I had seen the Halloween disc the day before in cleaning my desk, pretty confident that it was still there, finally when I got him to chill, I suggested it. He agreed and then I couldn't find it.

Nick was trying to be nice and suggest other things, which Sebastian wanted no part of... Nick was still trying to be sweet and talk calmly and give Sebastian a little space.... Until he suggested something and Sebastian elbowed him right in the gut... This is a hard situation to handle. One of your kids are melting down and gets a bit violent, the other was trying to help and gets hurt. You cannot punish a melting down child, you can talk about it, but not punish because of it...

Nick was upstairs crying and I am down here on Sebastian's level talking to him about it. Eventually, we found Max and Ruby: Playtime. This is very exhausting, not as bad as both of them having episodes at the same time and having to deal with it, but meltdowns are exhausting. The obsessions over certain things and not understanding the word "No" or "Not right now" is very trying.

Sebastian is in a behavior right now that he wants to play the Wii (specifically, Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Winter games) and he doesn't even have to be awake to request to play. You tell him "No" and he asks again within a minute. This pattern repeats until he gets to play, period.




Well, that is all for now.